One Night Regret
by FiliandKili'sGirl18
Summary: Plucking up her courage, Jess decides to ask Becker out on a date. But when it doesn't go to plan she decides to drown her sorrows in a nightclub. However, one thing leads to another and she finds herself making a mistake that could ruin any chance of her and Becker getting together. AN: I do not own Primeval or the characters.
1. Rejection

_**AN: So here is my first actually Primeval story. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my previous one shot of Becker and Jess. I don't think I've ever shipped two people as much as I ship them.**_

Rejection

Jess had never glanced at her watch so much in her life. Every few moments her eyes glanced down at her wrist and her nerves built up with each passing moment. She had ten minutes until the end of her shift.

Ten minutes until she would ask Becker out on a date.

Being the romantic sort, Jess was usually happy to wait until the man asked her. But with Becker she knew she'd be waiting until she was eighty for that to happen. Besides, it couldn't be that hard. All she had to do was walk up to him and ask him. It was like asking someone if they wanted to go to the pub, or to the cinema. As long as she didn't gaze into his deep brown eyes, or let herself be distracted by that beautiful sculpted chest then she'd be fine.

Eight minutes left.

Taking a deep breath she began the task of logging off and making sure everything was ready for when the next co-ordinator took over. It was helpful that Becker finished when she did. It meant that they could go out immediately. Assuming he said yes of course. But then why wouldn't he? Jess hadn't exactly asked him but she was a good enough judge of character. Ever since their first meeting she'd felt a spark between them. And then after the beetles and the future predators, Becker's behaviour around her was almost concrete proof that he liked her. At least that's what she had been telling herself in the past twenty minutes as she tried to build up the nerves.

Five minutes.

Maybe she should go now. Lester wouldn't mind her leaving a bit early. After all the overtime she put in and the extra work she did on his behalf, he could hardly begrudge her five minutes.

"Hey Jess."

And just like that her nerve had gone. Glancing over her shoulder, Jess forced herself to smile as Becker leant on the desk.

"Hey," she glanced at her watch, "leaving early Captain? Not like you? Supposing one of the recruits shoots themselves again?"

He grinned, "Then it won't be my problem. I'm tired and all I want to do right now I go home and grab a pizza."

Jess brushed her skirt down, "And you're here because..?"

Raising an eyebrow Becker slid his hand into one of the inside pockets of his tac-vest. Placing the chocolate by her hand he smiled.

"I forgot about it until a few minutes ago. Couldn't have you go without it for too long."

"Thanks," Jess reached for the chocolate but at the last second retracted her hand and instead got to her feet.

"I…Becker can I ask you something?"

He nodded, "Of course."

"I…" twisting her hands nervously, Jess glanced down at the floor.

"Are you okay Jess?" Becker's voice took on a darker tone.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. God no nothing like that," forcing her head up Jess smiled.

"I…I was wondering if…the thing is Becker I…" she took a deep breath.

"Would you like to go out with me?"

Becker's face didn't change, "As in a date?"

Jess nodded, "The thing is, I like you a lot, although that's probably obvious even to you. I was going to wait but after everything that's happened recently it made me realised I can't afford to wait. Not with this job. I'm not saying we should go out tonight or anything, not if you're tired but I wanted to ask you before I lost my nerve."

Trailing off Jess realised Becker was still watching her. Normally he would cut her off mid ramble. The fact that he had let her talk was worrying to say the least.

"I…well?"

He sighed, "Jess…I can't."

She raised an eyebrow, "Can't or won't? Becker if you don't want to then just say."

He shut his eyes and Jess could almost hear his internal conversation. Finally Becker opened his eyes.

"Jess I can't."

"If you're going to start talking about how the job is dangerous and you don't need distractions then don't. I know how dangerous this job is. But not being with the person you care about won't lessen the danger," she then paused, "unless…unless you don't see me beyond a friend?"

Becker didn't answer. Nodding Jess grabbed the chocolate and began walking off. She could hear him walking behind her and she tried to quicken her pace. However the fact he had almost a foot over her meant it only took him a few steps to catch up with her.

"Jess wait."

Deciding to ignore him Jess carried on. Becker wasn't put off however. He gently took her arm and spun her round to face him.

"Jessica."

"Becker I mean it," Jess willed herself not to cry, "If you don't like me in that way then just say so. I know you think it's more honourable not to be but I'd rather you were honest with me."

Becker nodded, "Very well. I can't be in a relationship with you. Not only am I not good enough for you…"

"Yes you are."

Becker sighed, "Jess please, for once let me talk."

Nodding Jess wanted more than anything to hold his hand. However she forced herself to keep hers tucked away.

"Jess I'm not good enough for you. Secondly I'm too old for you. Thirdly I'm not going to let you tie yourself down to me only to lose me a few years later."

Jess opened her mouth but Becker held up his hand.

"It will happen Jess. One day I will go out on a mission and I won't come back. If I can spare you from suffering that as my…partner, then I will."

"Becker," Jess hadn't been expecting the anger. But it was there all the same.

"I don't want excuses. I want you to answer this question with a yes or a no. Do you like me enough to be in a relationship?"

Becker didn't blink, "No."

Trying – and failing – to ignore the churning in her stomach, Jess nodded.

"Fine. That's all…fine. I'll see you on Monday then."

Moving past him she risked a glance up at his face. There was nothing. Not even a hint of emotion. Thankful her long hair hid her face she hurried into the lift. She half expected Becker to join her. But instead she watched as the lift doors closed on his solid figure.

* * *

Becker had never felt so sick in his life. He'd surprised himself when he'd said his lie to Jess. He wouldn't have been surprised if his eyes had betrayed the truth. And when he'd seen the heartbreak on her face he'd wanted to tell her. Heck he'd wanted to grab her, push her against the wall and kiss her until he ran out of breath. But he couldn't. He couldn't let her into his life when he knew he'd leave her one day. He'd never cheat on her. But no one could escape death. And working at the ARC meant death was closer than it was for most people. If he and Jess were in any form of relationship then he'd be forced to leave her alone. But if they weren't, then the pain wouldn't be as great. It sounded stupid to anyone who wasn't a soldier. But Becker had, had enough experience of dealing with soldiers widows to last a lifetime.

He hadn't planned on saying he didn't love her. He'd hoped his excuses would have been enough. But when it had been clear they weren't he'd been forced to go with his last resort. And he knew he'd be forever wishing he hadn't used it. Because the last thing he ever wanted to see on Jess's face was heartbreak. But now he had just put it there for the rest of her life.

Shaking his head Becker turned his back on the ADD and headed towards the lift. Punching the button that led to the car park he sagged against the wall. Usually he looked forward to Mondays with a passion. He looked forward to the moment he would step into the hub and see Jess sitting at her desk. But now he dreaded that moment. And he would be dreading it every minute of his life.

 _ **Poor Jess and Becker. I promise this is happy though at the end. Let me know what you think xxx**_


	2. Angry Choices

_**Big thanks to Anonyme for following.**_

 _ **Primevalyank - Indeed he does need to grovel. And it depends on what your definition of stupid is.**_

Angry Choices

Glancing at the dresses laid out on her bed, Jess took a deep breath. Surprisingly she hadn't spent her Friday night curled up on the sofa crying her eyes out. She'd had her cry in the car park before wiping her eyes and driving home. When she'd arrived she hadn't mentioned it to Abby or Connor. She hadn't wanted to. If she had then they'd have told her things that she wouldn't have wanted to hear. Connor would have said Becker was an idiot and that he hadn't meant it. Abby would have said the same before threatening to 'sort the Captain out'. Jess didn't want that. Nor did she want the humiliation of telling the pair that she had been rejected by the man she had fallen head over her five inch heels for. Also – and maybe this wasn't fair but Jess didn't care – it was their fault.

Unfair but also very true. Jess hadn't even considered the idea that Becker might share her feelings. It had been Abby and Connor who first put the idea into her head. Mainly Abby, but Connor had done his fair share of hinting. Without that she would never have asked him out in the first place.

"Jess are you ready?"

Jess glanced at the dresses again. She'd spent Friday night trying not to cry. Then, on Saturday morning she decided that she wasn't going to let this ruin her life. Instead she was going to get over it the only way she knew how: shopping and partying. The former meant she now had a new pair of shoes. Two skirts and a dress. The latter was what she was planning now. Trying to pick which dress before she, Abby and Emily went out for the night. Abby knocked again.

"Jess?"

"Yeah, sorry," reaching forward she picked up the shortest one there. It was dark purple with striped, black netting over the skirt and a thick black band around the middle. Slipping it on she grabbed her black heels and opened her bedroom door. Abby glanced her up and down.

"I should have known you'd take forever to decide."

Jess forced a smile onto her face, "There's too much choice," she shut her bedroom door.

"And don't say I should buy less. We both know it won't happen."

Abbey grinned, "At least you did your makeup earlier. Got everything?"

Nodding Jess smiled at her friend. Abby was wearing the dress she'd 'borrowed' from Jenny's wedding. No one had asked her for it back and she'd seen no reason why she couldn't keep it. Jess glanced over at Connor.

"What will you do?"

He grinned, "Matt and Becker are coming over tonight."

Jess froze at the mention of Becker. Abby raised an eyebrow but Jess forced a smile back onto her face.

"Cool. See you later."

Hurrying as much as her shoes would let her she pulled the door open and began walking down the steps. Someone grabbed her arm and she found herself staring at Abby.

"Jess what was that just now? When Connor said Becker was coming round you looked like you wanted to cry."

"Did I?" Jess wiped her eyes, "We just had a bit of an argument when I left work yesterday. It's nothing honestly."

"Are you sure?"

"Abby it's fine," Jess gently but firmly removed herself from the others womans grip.

"It was over nothing. I imagine he'll have forgotten about it on Monday."

Abby nodded, "As long as you are alright."

Letting her friend walk down first Jess gripped the bannister tightly. If only Becker could have forgotten about it by Monday.

* * *

They met Emily there. As they joined the queue, Jess half wondered if this had been a good idea. A few feet in front of her stood three guys, all were tall with dark hair. One of them caught her eye and winked. Rubbing her bare arms she glanced down at the ground. He looked a lot like Becker. He wasn't as muscled as the Captain, nor were his eyes as dark. But it was a close enough resemblance for Jess to remember why she was at a nightclub in the first place.

"Jess? Are you unwell?"

Shaking her head Jess smiled at Emily.

"I'm okay. Just…I was just thinking."

"Is this about Becker?" Emily grinned at her. Jess shrugged her shoulders. She was aware of Abby's eyes resting on her face. The line moved forward and Jess found herself stuck next to the blonde. Abby touched her arm.

"Jess, are you sure you're alright? This argument you had with Becker…"

"Abby I'm fine. I just…I just don't like arguing with my friends that's all."

Friends. That was all she would ever be to Becker. Jess didn't consider herself an expert on men. But the way Becker acted around her, the sweet smiles, the winks, the chocolate. It was enough to convince anybody that he liked her. Jess bit her lip. If he had only seen her as a friend then why had he led her on? Did he think that because she was barely twenty years old she could be easily manipulated in that way? Well if he thought that then he was wrong. And tonight she would show him that she couldn't be led down the garden path like a child.

"Jess? Are you coming or not?"

Realising she was still standing outside, Jess scurried inside to join Abby and Emily. As the blast of warmth from the room hit her she smiled to herself. She would show Becker. She would show him.

* * *

Downing the last of his beer, Becker sat the empty bottle on the table. Matt raised an eyebrow.

"Thirsty?"

Becker shrugged, leaning back on the sofa as Connor finished off his first. Licking his lips he gave a subtle – or at least he hoped it was subtle – glance around the room.

"No girls?"

Connor shook his head, "No. They've gone out for the night. And I didn't see why we all had to be sitting at homer by ourselves without them."

Becker smiled. So at least Jess wasn't here. He still had no idea how he'd face her on Monday. He'd be able to avoid her for a bit, but he'd come into contact with her sooner or later.

"Can…can I ask you both something?"

"Sure," Matt nodded, "But if it's a request for actual guns then the answer is still no."

Becker smiled, "Shame. But it's not that. I…how did you both decide to have a relationship with someone at the ARC?"

"Would this be about Jess by any chance?" Connor grinned. Becker didn't respond and Connor inched forward like a small child.

"Finally thinking of making a move?"

"No," Becker shook his head, "Well…not exactly. I've made a move. I just think it was the wrong one."

"You do surprise me," Matt drawled. However his face then softened, "Mate what happened?"

"Jess….promise me you won't tell her you know. She'd be mortified!"

As the others nodded Becker glanced down at his empty bottle.

"Jess asked me out on Friday. I said no."

To his credit, Matt said nothing. Connor however had to spit his beer back into the bottle to avoid chocking.

"You said…Becker why would you say that? I thought you liked her?"

"I do! I just…I can't do relationships. I could never be good enough for her. And what about when I die? Chances of me dying on a mission are stupidly high. I couldn't leave Jess alone like that."

"Has anyone ever called you an idiot?" Connor asked, "Because you are one."

Becker nodded, "There's more. She wouldn't listen to my excuses so…so I said I didn't like her in that way."

"Yep," Connor said, "you're an idiot."

"Becker why on earth did you do that?" Matt shook his head, "It's obvious you like her!"

"I love her!" Becker snapped. He glared at his two friends.

"I am so in love with her that every second by myself feels like a lifetime. But I can't…I can't let her tie herself to me. Everything she deserves, I can't give her."

"This isn't some Jane Austen novel," Connor raised an eyebrow, "Becker if you love her that's all that matters. Look at us two, we're in relationships."

Becker nodded, "I know but…well Jess is younger than any of us. And if something happened to me I know what she'd do. She'd spend her whole life alone, grieving. I don't want that for her."

"Even so. Telling her you don't have feelings for her? How the hell will you face her on Monday?"

I don't know," Becker shook his head, "I really don't know."

"Could…could you not just explain to her?" Matt asked, "Talk to her and explain how you really feel?"

Becker shrugged, "I just…I don't know if she'd even listen to me."

"She will," Connor said, "Trust us mate. If our lives tell us anything it's that you have to live in the moment. Don't deny you and Jess happiness because you're scared of something that might never happen."

* * *

Downing her fourth shot of vodka, Jess glanced over to watch Abby and Emily on the dancefloor. All night both women had been admired by the surrounding men. Whereas she had just sat at the bar, unable to enjoy herself.

"Well that's a sad face if ever I saw one."

At the voice Jess glanced around. A tall man with dark curls grinned at her. He glanced at Abby and Emily.

"Your friends?"

Jess nodded, "Girls night out. Although I don't really feel like partying."

The man sat down on the stool next to her.

"Why not? You're all dressed up for it?"

Jess pushed away her empty glass, "I asked this guy out yesterday and he said no. I really liked him and thought that he liked me back."

"Well he's an idiot," the man grinned, "He must be if he's going to refuse a thing of beauty like you."

He winked at her, "Luke Ashton."

"Jess Parker."

Jess watched as Luke glanced down at her legs.

"Would you like to dance? I'd hate seeing you propping up the bar all night. And maybe I can make you forget about this idiot who declined to go out with you."

Taking his hand Jess let Luke lead her onto the floor. Had this been a few hours earlier she'd have said no. But with the alcohol in her body along with the anger and hurt at Becker's words, she wanted nothing more than to feel wanted. She wanted to feel loved by someone. Even if it was just for a night.

* * *

"You really are beautiful," Luke grasped her hips and held her against his body. Jess beamed; her arms winding around his neck. Luke eyed her carefully.

"What do you say we go back to mine?"

"I…" Jess paused. It'd been a good few hours since first meeting Luke. She couldn't see Abby or Emily and she'd had more than enough to drink. Luke kissed her briefly before pulling away.

"Come on, I told you, I want to make you forget about this jerk."

"I…" Jess bit her lip. She'd only met him a few hours ago. She didn't even _know_ him. And yet…and yet she knew if she went home now she'd find Becker at the flat. She couldn't deal with that.

"Of course, if you don't want to," Luke gripped her arm, "but I'd give you a better night than this guy ever could."

Ignoring her common sense and letting the alcohol do the talking, Jess held his hand and let Luke lead her away from the nightclub.

 _ **So for all her intelligence it looks like Jess is on the path to stupidity. And I wanted to have a bit of a boys night as well and show Connor's mature side (as hard as it is to find). Let me know what you think xxx**_


	3. The Morning After

_**Big thanks to Loonyloops and for following.**_

 _ **Primevalyank – Thanks. Well hopefully you won't hate me too much (by the way I love your profile photo!)**_

The Morning After

Jess wasn't sure how long she had been staring at the ceiling. The blankets were pulled up over her naked body and when she looked to her left she could see the sleeping figure of Luke beside her. Tightening her hold on the duvet, she blinked back her tears. Her legs and hips ached and everything felt like it was on fire between her legs. Taking a deep breath she tried to remember what had happened last night. Her hangover wasn't helping. But she remembered texting Abby to say she would be late back and not to wait up. She remembered getting to Luke's flat and kissing him against the wall. She remembered going into the bedroom and stripping off before he eased her back onto the bed.

She'd never felt so ashamed in her life.

If she thought being rejected by Becker was humiliating enough, then this eclipsed it by far. Why had she done it? Why had she jumped in to bed with a man she didn't know? To prove something to Becker? To prove what? And he wasn't even here! It's not like he would ever know about this. Jess could only assume that, at the time, she thought it would make her feel better. But it didn't. She felt much worse. For her first time to have been with a stranger..? She'd wanted her first time to be with Becker. Or at least someone she cared about. She didn't care about Luke. He had just been there at a time when she'd needed comforting.

Sitting up Jess glanced over at Luke. He was snoring gently and she knew he wouldn't be up for hours yet. Easing out of bed she froze at the finger shaped bruises on her hips and wrists. Grabbing her dress she hurriedly pulled it on before tying her hair back. Ignoring her make-up, or lack of, Jess grabbed her bag and shoes and hurried towards the door. None could ever find out about this. Not Abby or Emily. And certainly not Becker.

* * *

Easing the door to her flat open, Jess peered round. It was deathly silent. The empty beer bottles being the only sign of the boys night in. Dumping her bag on the sofa Jess kicked her shoes off and began to move towards the stairs. If she could sneak into her room then maybe she could lie and say she got in late last night.

"Jess?"

At Connor's voice Jess's whole body jumped. Spinning round she took a few seconds before her eyes focused on the figure of Connor in his Superman pyjamas. Licking her lips she smiled.

"Um…morning."

He gave a curt nod, "Have you just got in? Jess where _were_ you? You text Abby you'd be back late but..?"

Jess nodded quickly, "I…I spent the night at this guys flat."

Connor tensed, "Did he hurt you?"

"No…no he…it was my fault. I was drunk and he took me home. He slept on the sofa. Honestly I'm fine. I just want to go to bed."

Connor gave a slow nod, "Okay. Well I'll leave you to it. You might want to text Becker though."

"I…why?" At the thought of the Captain, Jess could feel the nausea growing. Connor nodded.

"He was worried sick about you. He would have gone and looked for you if Abby hadn't stopped him."

"Okay. Okay I'll text him in a bit. Thanks."

She turned to go when Connor called her back.

"Jess? You are alright aren't you?"

"Yes. Yes I'm fine."

* * *

As his phone beeped, Becker rolled over in bed with a groan. Eyes half shut he reached out for his phone with one hand, clutching the duvet with the other. Only when he saw Jess's name on the screen did he fully wake up. Clicking on the message his eyes moved so fast he had to re-read it.

 _Hi. Connor said you were worried about me._

 _I'm fine, just a bit hungover. In bed now._

 _Didn't mean to worry you, Jess._

No kisses. Jess always put kisses on her texts, no matter who she sent them to. She must hate him then. Why shouldn't she? She'd asked him out and he'd pushed her away, maybe forever. The bond between them had been the one thing keeping him going. And now…now what did he do. She wouldn't want to talk to him, or hang out with him. She probably wouldn't want any chocolate off him. Becker gulped, thinking back to last night. Maybe he should talk to her. Maybe he should just tell her the truth. If only to see her smile again.

Leaving the phone to one side Becker rolled over in bed. It was a double and most nights it felt too big. But right now it felt empty. And only Jess would be able to change that.

* * *

"Abby? Can I talk to you?"

Not letting her friend answer, Jess sat down on the sofa. She'd showered and changed into her favourite pyjamas with the Winnie the Pooh pattern. But she still didn't feel better. Abby nodded, sitting crossed legged opposite.

"Is this about Becker?"

Jess sighed, "I asked him out on Friday and he said no. He made a load of excuses before saying he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because he didn't like me in that way."

Abby reached over and rubbed her arm, "That's why you were upset yesterday wasn't it? And when Connor said Becker would be here…?"

Jess nodded, "I don't know how I'll face him on Monday. I can avoid him for a bit but…I don't know."

Abby nodded, "I'm sorry Jess."

"It's fine. You didn't make him say no did you?"

"Well no. But I encouraged you. I honestly thought he cared for you Jess. I wouldn't have said so if I hadn't been sure."

Jess smiled, "I know. I just…I want to talk to you about it because…because I did something stupid."

Abby paused, "Jess what happened? Is this why you snuck in this morning?"

"I…Connor told you didn't he?"

Abby nodded. Wiping her eyes Jess lowered her gaze.

"Last night I met this guy. I told him about Becker and we got talking. We danced for a bit and had some drinks…then we went back to his."

Abby swore under her breath, "Did he hurt you Jess?"

"No! God why does everyone think that?"

Taking a deep breath Jess held her hands together, "Sorry. I just..? I'm sorry. Anyway we went to his and we did have sex. I wasn't forced or anything I swear. Only when I woke up I knew I'd done the wrong thing. But I had been so angry and hurt by Becker that I just wanted to feel wanted by a man."

Jess could feel her hands shaking, "I sound like such a slut don't I?"

"No," Abby moved over and hugged her tight, "No you don't. Jess I've had plenty of one night stands and I'm no slut am I?"

Jess shook her head, "I know but…but I did it to get back at Becker. And it was all pointless because he'll never know about this!"

"Hey," Abbey leant in next to her.

"It'll be fine Jess. You made a mistake, we all do that sometimes. But after a while you'll forget all about it and carry on like normal. As for Becker… well it's none of his business what you do in your own time is it?"

"No," Jess wiped her eyes, "I just…I don't know. I guess I just felt a bit bad for doing it. And it wasn't fair on Luke either."

Abby nodded, "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing. I snuck out before he woke up. I think I might have given him my number though. I can't really remember."

Abby rubbed her arm, "Come on. I'll get some ice cream and we'll put a film on yeah? Take your mind off things?"

Jess smiled, "Chocolate?"

"You honestly think I'd give you anything else?"

 _ **So yeah not Jess's finest move was it? But I like giving characters stupid things to do. Makes them more real somehow. So then, will she tell Becker about it? And if so how the hell will he react? Let me know what you think xxx**_


	4. Trying to Carry On

_**Big thanks to Cengiz, SarahJStar and finona82 for following.**_

 _ **Primevalyank – Regretting it yes. And the result will be…well I'm sure you can guess.**_

 _ **Cengiz – I agree. The benefit of a stupid Becker means a longer story. But yes Jess has also done her share of the stupid things as well.**_

 _ **AN: Sorry for the delay. But I've had a very hectic time recently and this chapter just didn't want to get written.**_

Trying to Carry On

When she heard Becker's heavy footsteps behind her, Jess forced herself to keep staring at the computer screens. She felt the hand hovering over her shoulder. But where she used to turn and smile, she instead carried on with her work.

"Jess?"

"Can I help you Becker?"

"Jess we have to talk."

Knowing it would draw attention if she kept ignoring him, Jess spun round in her chair.

"What about? It's only half an hour into your shift? There's been no incursion and you've got no reports that need sorting out."

"Jessica…you know what I mean."

She did know. Nodding Jess smoothed down her skirt.

"Look, about Friday night…it's fine Becker. I asked you out and you said no. It happens all the time. Don't worry about it. Not that I thought you would worry. Only I know what you're like with things like this and…well don't worry."

She watched him grip the edge of her chair.

"Jess I…the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I just…when it comes to relationships I…"

"Becker stop," getting to her feet Jess hissed with pain. Her hips still ached and the bruises were still there.

"Jess? Are you alright?"

"Yes," Gently pushing him away Jess sidestepped him with ease, "Look Becker you don't have to explain it to me. You don't want to date me and that's that. I can live with it you know."

"I know but Jess…"

"Look I have a lot of work to do Becker," Jess snapped, "So can we talk about it later please?"

He blinked nervously at her, "Very well. I'll see you at lunch then?"

As he walked off Jess pressed a hand to her stomach. She hadn't wanted to be so rude. She hadn't even meant to be. But every time he looked at her all she could think about was Saturday night. How she'd jumped into another mans bed like a slut.

"Miss Parker? I presume I pay you to do things aside from staring into space?"

At Lester's voice Jess turned and wiped her eyes. Nodding she sat back into her chair and began running one of the many computer software checks she had to do. Normally Becker would be here to help take her mind off work. But he had gone back to his own office no doubt. She didn't even have chocolate to make her feel better. There was a buzz by her hand. Grabbing her phone her heart sank when she saw Luke's name. He'd texted her three times already and she'd ignored all of them. Biting her lip she scrolled up to the first one.

 _It's me. Why did you leave this morning?_

 _Luke._

It was a fair question. She had snuck out of his room like a criminal. Jess glanced at the next one.

 _Me again? Did you not get my other text?_

 _I wanted to say I enjoyed last night with you. We should do it again soon._

Jess shook her head. That was never going to happen.

 _Jess are you okay? Why won't you talk to me?_

 _I deserve some sort of reply Jess._

Biting her lip she moved to the most recent text.

 _You're a slut Jess. Leading me on and making me think you liked me._

 _Wonder what Becker would say if he knew about you and me?_

Jess almost dropped her phone. He wouldn't..? He wouldn't tell Becker would he?

As soon as that thought came, it went. How could Luke tell Becker? He wouldn't know where to find him for one thing. And it's not like she would ever tell Luke where Becker lived. But even so, it wouldn't be that hard to track him down. There couldn't be that many Becker's in the area. And if Becker ever found out…he'd hate her. He'd think her to be some cheap tart. Grabbing her phone Jess hopped down from her chair and hurried out of the hub.

"Miss Parker? Jess!"

"Don't feel too good."

Turning the corner she hurried for the lift. Hitting the button she forced herself to take deep breaths. As the lift took her down to where the menagerie was housed, Jess toyed with her phone. She looked at herself in the mirrored walls of the lift. Her hair fell past her shoulders and her pale blue and white striped skirt ended halfway down her thighs. The white, sleeveless shirt was ever so slightly open at her chest, but she was hardly flashing. Jess pulled at her skirt. Maybe she was a slut. Maybe that's how lots of men saw her. Leaving the lift Jess half ran down the corridor until she reached the end door. She didn't care if Abby wasn't there. She'd wait if she had to.

"Jess?"

Nodding at Abby, Jess tried to stop herself from crying. But as her tears fell her legs shook.

"I needed to talk to you."

Wordlessly, Abby took her and sat her down on one of the benches. Jess felt something furry rub against her leg. Glancing down she smiled at the Smilodon cub. The Mother had been killed in an incursion last week and Abby was nursing the cub until it could be sent back. Reaching down to stroke the cub, Jess watched Abby grab a box of tissues. Taking two she wiped her eyes.

"What happened?"

"I can't be around him," Jess stammered, "I can't. Not when he's trying to be nice and I've been acting like a petty child!"

She held out her phone, "Luke has been texting me. They were okay at first but the last one…"

As Abby read the messages, Jess wiped her face with the tissues.

"He's right. I am a slut. I didn't even want to do it! I was just so hurt and angry…and a bit drunk. I thought that it would make me feel better."

"You said he didn't force you," Abby handed the phone back. Jess nodded.

"He didn't. Honestly he didn't. I just know now it was wrong of me to do it."

"Listen to me. He's a git. Those messages mean nothing. Block him from your phone. Anyway, he doesn't know where you or Becker lives. How could he tell him?"

"But what if he found Becker? Abby I can't have him know this about me? I really can't! He'd hate me for it. And he should. I got rejected and instead of being an adult I acted like an idiot and had sex just to spite him!"

"Hush," Abby rubbed her arm, "Jess it doesn't matter. Becker won't ever find out. Even if he did he wouldn't care. Why should he?"

"Because…because I don't want him thinking bad of me. Plus if he found out what Luke had done he'd waste no time in hunting him down."

"The guy might deserve it Jess."

"Maybe…but even so…" drying her eyes Jess got to her feet.

"Thank you. I just needed to talk to someone."

"Anytime," Abby squeezed her hand, "I'm your friend. It's what I'm here for."

Nodding gratefully, Jess bent down to give the cub one last pet before she walked out of the menagerie. When she stood in the corridor she frowned. She could have sworn she'd seen someone out of the corner of her eye. Shaking her head she began walking back towards the lift.

* * *

As he watched Jess go, Becker tried to rein in his anger. The plan had been to go and see Abby and get her advice on how to deal with the situation. As much as he liked Matt and Connor, he doubted their advice when it came to getting girls. Yes they both had them, but in both cases the girls had made the first move. However, when he'd arrived at the menagerie he'd paused to hear Jess and Abby talking. Unable to help himself he'd listened in.

" _Hush. Jess it doesn't matter. Becker won't ever find out. Even if he did he wouldn't care. Why should he?"_

" _Because…because I don't want him thinking bad of me. Plus if he found out what Luke had done he'd waste no time in hunting him down."_

" _The guy might deserve it Jess."_

At this point Becker had backed away, hiding in a small alcove when Jess had entered the corridor. As she walked off he'd wasted no time in following her. Whoever this Luke was, he'd got Jess on edge. As he worked out why Jess wanted to hide something from him, his stomach grew more and more nauseous. Supposing this Luke had hurt her? Supposing he'd forced himself on her? Stepping into the lift he willed himself to stay calm. He would find Jess and ask her what had happened. And if she wouldn't tell him he'd talk to Abby. But whatever had happened, Becker knew nothing could change his opinion of Jess. In his eyes she was perfection.

As he reached the hub, Becker was shocked to find it empty. Turning on his heels he strode down the corridor. He could try the womens locker rooms. Or maybe the canteen. However, he was halfway down the corridor when the sound of gentle sobbing stopped him. He found himself standing by the door that led to one of the smaller labs. Glancing through the small window his heart snapped when he saw Jess curled into a ball. Pushing the door open he cleared his throat. She glanced up and her face went white.

"Becker!"

"Jess," shutting the door he moved so he was sitting beside her. She shook her head.

"I…I should go."

"No," he pulled her down, gently turning her face towards him.

"Tell me what's happened."

 _ **So we had some girl time as well as 'Becker realising he's being an idiot' time. But now what will happen? Knowing Becker something tells me he won't react in the best way when he finds out. Let me know what you think xxx**_


	5. The Truth Can Hurt

_**Primevalyank – I hate to break it to you but Becker doesn't really know. He only overheard the last bit of the conversation and will get the wrong idea.**_

 _ **Emma – Glad you are enjoying it that much.**_

The Truth Can Hurt

"I…Becker honestly I should go."

Jess tried to get to her feet but Becker pulled her down and wrapped his arm around her. Using his other hand he gently wiped her tears away.

"Jess what's happened? Please just tell me?"

She shook her head, "I can't. I really can't. Please just don't ask okay."

She could feel Becker tense at her words.

"Jessica I'm not leaving until you tell me," he glanced down at her.

"Anyway, I know some of it already."

Her cheeks went bright red, "You…but how? I…I didn't think he'd…"

"I went to find Abby and I overheard you both talking."

"Oh…I…Becker I know what you'll think of me but…"

He shook his head, pulling her close against him.

"What I think is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. What the jerk did to you wasn't your fault. Have you told the police about what he did?"

"I..?" Jess shook her head. What was Becker talking about? Luke hadn't done anything to her. Nothing criminal anyway. Becker sighed.

"Jess you need to tell them. Otherwise he could attack another woman. He could attack you again!"

"Oh…no Becker you don't understand," Jess shook her head again.

"Luke didn't hurt me. He didn't force himself on me or anything like that."

The relief on Becker's face was something she hadn't been expecting. He pulled her close.

"Thank God," he then pulled away, "but why were you so upset. And why did you tell Abby I couldn't know about him?"

"I…I didn't want you thinking of me as a slut."

"Why on earth would I do that?"

"Because…" licking her lips Jess gazed up at Becker.

"Because on Saturday night I went out with Abby and Emily. I got a bit drunk and I met Luke. We danced and flirted and then we went back to his place. I was still upset and hurt and angry and I just wanted it to go away so…so we slept together."

Becker froze. Wiping her eyes, Jess could already see his eyes darkening.

"I didn't want to say anything because I knew you'd hate me."

He gave a small nod. However, Jess had no idea if this mean he was angry or not. Becker leant back, resting his head on the wall.

"When you left on Friday I felt so bad. I had hurt you in the worst way possible. I hated myself."

"Becker you shouldn't hate yourself. You don't like me. End of."

"No but," Becker clenched his fist, "Goddam it Jess! I do like you!"

Jess froze, "But…what you said to me. You said you didn't!"

"I was lying Jess," Becker glanced at her, his eyes blazing with fury, "I was lying to protect you. I have been arguing with myself all weekend about what to do next. I was going to explain it to you today. To beg for a second chance."

Tears began to drip down Jess's cheeks as she sensed the 'but' that would be heading her way. Sure enough Becker got to his feet. Doing likewise Jess took a few steps back. Becker wiped his eyes.

"But it seems there's no need. You got over me pretty quickly I would say."

"Becker it wasn't like that! I regretted it the next day I swear."

He shrugged, "You still did it Jess. I always wondered if you liked me. And then, on Friday I thought I finally knew the answer. But after this..? Jess you jumped into bed with a complete stranger. You clearly can't have liked me that much if you managed to do that."

Jess opened her mouth and then shut it. Becker gave her a curt nod.

"Bye Jess."

Nodding, Jess watched as Becker stormed out of the room. Only when his footsteps began to die did she allow herself to cry. Holding one hand to her mouth she wrapped the other arm around her stomach. She had known he'd be hurt. But a part of Jess had prayed he would see past it. That he would understand. But clearly she had been wrong. And now she had lost whatever chance she had of Becker falling in love with her.

* * *

By the time Abby found her, Jess was back to curling up into a ball. Gripping her legs tightly she rocked back and forth whilst tears streaked down her face. She was aware of the door opening and shutting. But Jess didn't bother looking to see who it was.

"Jess?"

Thankful that it was Abby who had found her and no one else, Jess forced herself to look up. The blonde sat down beside her silently.

"I take it he knows?"

"It was so humiliating," Jess swallowed the last of her tears, "he was so angry and so…hurt!"

Abby rubbed her back comfortingly, "I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better."

Jess shook her head, "It's fine. As long as you don't think I'm a slut then it's fine."

"He called you that?"

Flinching at the anger in Abby's voice, Jess shook her head, "No. But…I mean it was implied a bit. But he had the right. After all, I make out I love him then when I'm rejected I sleep with another man. I don't blame him for being angry."

Abby opened her mouth when the alarms started to go off. Sighing Jess forced herself to her feet.

"I guess I'd better go back to work," she muttered. Abby gave her a weak smile.

"Things will work out Jess. Trust me. Becker will see sense."

"I doubt it. But thank you."

* * *

Running his fingers through his wet hair, Becker sighed to himself. Of course the freaky, prehistoric maggots would explode all over him. And of course Connor would take a photo of the scene. Becker chucked his sodden clothes in his bag and grabbed his spare uniform from his locker. In truth, he didn't care about Connor's teasing. It had been Jess that had worried him. Instead of her bright and cheery babble, she'd been calm and professional and quiet. And it scared him. He liked hearing her rambling. It made him smile. It reminded him there was still some good in the world.

He knew why she had been like this. Becker sighed again. He shouldn't have been so harsh. He had been shocked and bit upset by her news, but now that he'd taken his anger out of giant maggots he realised how upset Jess would have been. How ashamed she was of herself. And he'd just added to that.

"Becker?"

He glanced at the door of the changing rooms. Of all the people he hadn't expected it to be Abby. Pulling on his trousers he cleared his throat.

"Connors not here."

"I know. I need to talk to you."

Pulling on his t-shirt, Becker walked towards the door and opened it. He had expected the slap and had therefore braced himself for it in time. Stepping back he allowed Abby in.

"Nice to see you to."

"Shut it," Abby spun round and jabbed a finger at him, "I'm not here for niceties."

Shutting the door, Becker rubbed his cheek, "So I gathered."

"Haven't you ever made a mistake Becker?"

Rubbing his eyes, Becker nodded, "Is this about Jess?"

"Answer the question."

"Yes. Plenty of them."

"Right. And I'm guessing you felt bad enough before people yelled at you for it?"

Becker nodded, "Look Abby. I know why you're here and you're right."

"Oh? You know why I'm here do you?"

"Um..?" Becker was used to angry Abby. That he could deal with. But this calm and cold Abby was something knew entirely. She raised an eyebrow.

"Why am I here then? Go on?"

"You're here to tell me off for how I was with Jess earlier."

Abby shook her head, "Wrong. I am going to tell you off. But I'm going to make a few things clear to you as well. Starting with the fact that you don't deserve Jess."

"Abby…"

"Shut it. You don't deserve her when you treat her the way you just have. She was so ashamed by what she did that she didn't want to tell _me_ at first. Never mind you. She believed you would hate her forever for one simple mistake. Becker she was so crushed by your rejection. She wanted to feel loved by someone. Secondly, I want you to know that she is still in love with you. Despite the mixed signals. Despite that fact you've made her feel like a slut today. She still loves you and I know you love her. Thirdly I can promise you right now that Jess is alone in the break room, crying her eyes out because the hates herself. She believes she has pushed you away for good and that you will never ever like her again. Now if that's an image you don't like then I suggest you go and sort it out."

For a few seconds, Becker didn't move. Abby rolled her eyes.

"Must I slap you again?"

"No. No I..? She loves me?"

"Oh my… _yes!"_

"Right...um…I um…"

Turning, Becker hurried out of the locker room. Not looking back he didn't see the smile that appeared on Abby's face as the door swung shut.

* * *

Becker hadn't run this fast since the future predators had invaded the ARC. He caught snatches of whispers as he ran but ignored them. All that mattered was finding Jess and explaining. Apologising. Becker was willing to get down on his knees and beg if he thought it would help. He was in such a hurry that he had to scan his ID bracelet four times until the door lock beeped and he was allowed in.

Jess had her back to him. At first Becker thought she was making a drink. But instead he realised she was holding something in her hands. Silently he inched round so he could get a better look at it. His eyes welled up as he realised it was a chocolate bar wrapper. Or – more specifically – the wrapper from the bar he'd given to her on Friday. Biting his lip he watched Jess stare at it for a few seconds. Unsure of what to do he cleared his throat.

"Jess I…"

He hadn't expected her to scream. Jess spun round so fast that her legs wobbled. Darting forward, Becker caught her arm before she could fall. Setting back up on her feet he gave a small nod and backed away.

"Jess I need to talk to you."

She didn't say anything. Not sure how to take this, Becker took her hand and pulled her closer.

"I need to say how sorry I am."

 _ **So firstly don't hate Becker too much for getting angry. He's not the best at dealing with emotional things like this is he? But hopefully now he'll be able to grovel his way back into Jess's good books? Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	6. The Biggest Confession

_**Primevalyank – No it was not his finest moment. But we can always count on Abby to set him straight.**_

 _ **Emma – Glad you love it so much.**_

The Biggest Confession

Jess froze. She could feel herself trembling in Becker's hold. He sighed.

"I should _never_ have reacted in the way I did. You have the right to do whatever you choose Jess. I…I was hurt by the news and I let myself get angry at you when I shouldn't have done."

Jess nodded, "I understand. I mean. One day I'm asking you out. The next I'm sleeping with another man."

Becker sighed, "Jess…it doesn't matter. It honestly doesn't."

"But it does! I only slept with him because I was angry and upset at you. You turned me down and instead of acting like a grown up I go and do something stupid and childish and petty to make myself feel better. But it didn't. And I didn't want you to find out because I didn't want you thinking of me as cheap! Although given what I wear and how I act you probably do already!"

"You're wrong," Becker didn't just tighten his grip. He pulled Jess across and hugged her close.

"I don't see you as cheap. I see you as someone who wears short skirts because she loves them and she looks gorgeous in them. You're not a slut Jess. I've had revenge sex before because I thought it would make me feel better."

"You…why?"

Becker shrugged, "My girlfriend cheated on me. When we broke up I met a girl at the club and we slept together. But it didn't make me feel better."

Jess clung to his shirt, "So…you aren't angry at me?"

Becker kissed her forehead, "No Jess I'm not. I had no right to behave in the way I did and I will be forever asking you to forgive me."

Jess sighed, "No need. I already do."

She could see the light in Becker's eyes. However, as quickly as it came, it went.

"I'm not angry at you Jess. I am however, furious at Luke."

"I knew it."

"Jess he took advantage of you. He must have seen how upset you were and decided to exploit that! Have you got his number? Where does he live? I might pay him a visit."

"No!" Jess pulled Becker back, "No you aren't doing that. It was one night and it didn't mean anything."

As they held each other, Jess was aware of Becker staring down at her arms. She bit her lip. Her cardigan sleeves must have ridden up, exposing the faded bruises. Becker gently stroked them.

"Did he do this?" He hissed, "You said he didn't force you?"

"He didn't. Honestly. It…he was a little…rougher than I wanted. That's all."

Becker nodded, "If I ever meet him, I'll given him bruises in places he doesn't know exist!"

There was a silence. When she looked closely Jess could see tears shimmering in his eyes.

"Becker?"

"I'm so sorry Jess," his voice was softer, "so sorry."

"For what?"

"For…for this! This is my fault!"

"No," Jess shook her head, "No it wasn't. I was the idiot who chose to sleep with him."

"No but," Becker rubbed his forehead, "You slept with him because I turned you down yes?"

Jess nodded and Becker held her hand tightly.

"Then it is my fault. Jess what I said on Friday…it wasn't true. Well, some of it was. But when you asked if I liked you I lied. I do like you. God Jess…I really like you. But I can't be in a relationship with you, no matter how much we both want it."

Jess bit her lip, "We?"

Becker sighed, "Yes, 'we'. I want to be with you Jess. So very much. But it can't happen. I can't have you go through the pain and sorrow if I die. I've seen it happen to the wives of enough soldiers. I can't let that be your fate."

"But supposing you don't die? Supposing you're fine?"

Becker opened his mouth when Jess placed a finger to his lips.

"Listen to me Hilary Becker. I am in love with you. I know this job has its risks. Heck, my job has risks! You sit there and say you aren't good enough for me? Well you're wrong? You're too old? It's only six and a half years! I want to be with you and I refuse to listen to any more of your excuses!"

Becker raised an eyebrow, "Anything else?"

"Um…" Jess could feel her cheeks blushing, "no."

"Good," Becker cupped her face with his hands, "because I want to kiss you and I can't do it if you're talking."

Jess blinked, "You could always…"

She was cut off as Becker pressed his mouth to hers. It took her brain a few seconds to register the fact that Becker was kissing her! But as soon as it did register, Jess wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close against her; returning the kiss eagerly. Becker broke off and she smiled.

"I was going to say you could always try. But it seems you thought of that first."

He nodded, gently tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

"I am so sorry about Friday. I didn't want to lie to you like that. But when you were ignoring my other excuses I just..? Jess please forgive me?"

Leaning forward she kissed his cheek, "There's nothing to forgive."

Bowing his head Becker took her hand in his, softly stroking her palm with his thumb.

"Now then, about Luke?"

Rolling her eyes Jess shook her head, "No Becker. You are not going to call him or try and find him."

"Please?" He gave a small pout, "I promise not to shoot him."

"No!" Getting to her feet Jess watched as Becker did the same, noting how he still held her hand.

"He's not important. Not anymore."

And then her phone went off.

Mentally cursing her luck, Jess pulled it out of her pocket. It wasn't a message this time. Luke was actually ringing her. Turning away from Becker she put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Jess? It's me. Look I'm sorry about that text. I was a bit drunk."

"It's…it's fine," glancing over her shoulder Jess could see Becker watching her closely. He nodded at the phone.

"Is that him?" he mouthed. Jess nodded, backing away as she did so.

"Listen Luke, that night was a mistake. I was drunk and upset and I didn't want that to happen."

There was a pause. Crossing her fingers Jess hoped Luke would accept her answer and go. However, when she heard the sound of a bottle being put down she instantly knew she was wrong.

"You seemed pretty keen in the club. Or was that part of your trick? Leading me on and thinking you wanted me?"

"Look I'm sorry if I…if I gave you the wrong idea. Honestly. Can we just forget about it and leave each other alone."

Luke chuckled, "What if I said I wanted to see you again?"

"Over my dead body," Becker growled. Jess bit her lip.

"I'd say no. I don't want to see you ever again Luke. Stop texting me, stop calling me. Just forget about me okay."

"There's me thinking you were this sweet little girl. When in reality you like nothing better than catching men and then leaving them to dangle alone. You're nothing more than a filthy, little whore and…"

Jess gasped as the phone was wrenched from her hand by Becker. However as he put it to his ear she found herself unwilling to get it back. Becker's face was a cold and unrelenting mask.

"Listen to me Luke. I've heard every inch of your conversation just now and I heard what you just called her. Now you'd better thank your lucky stars we're not in the same room because believe me, you'd be regretting it. Now if I ever find out that you've tried to get in touch with her or bother her in any way, then I will personally track you down and pay you a little visit."

Becker then raised an eyebrow and Jess strained to hear what Luke was saying.

"Oh believe me," Becker grinned, "you should be scared. I've been trained to take down things you couldn't possibly imagine. I've shot men that looked like dots to the naked eye. I could easily deal with one idiotic drunk who keeps hassling my girlfriend."

He then gave a mock gasp, "Sorry, did I not say I was dating her? Well I am. And there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. Including getting you to leave her alone. I see. Well I'm glad you understand."

As he put the phone down, Jess licked her lips.

"Well?"

"He got the message," Becker handed her the mobile, "and if he ever tries to speak to you again he'll find I wasn't bluffing in the least."

Nodding jess clutched her phone to her chest.

"You…you honestly don't care about what I did?"

Becker rubbed her arms, "Honestly? I do a little bit. What man wouldn't care that the girl he was in love with slept with someone else? But I won't hold it against you Jess. It doesn't change how I see you."

Smiling, Jess wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I love you so much Captain Becker."

She could feel Becker stroking her hair, "I love you to Jess Parker."

 _ **And there we go. Apologies and confessions all round! Thanks for the support I've had with this. My first but certainly not my last Primeval fic (assuming you liked enough to want more!) Let me know what you think xxx**_


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